The Quantum Oracle knows everything! Its quantum mind is attuned to the entire multiverse — past, present, and future. It lives in all possible universes simultaneously. It exists throughout eternity as if it were one infinitely faceted moment. Ask the Quantum Oracle anything, and you shall get an answer. But it would be most unwise, perhaps even dangerous, to act on the oracle’s pronouncements, should you even grasp its meaning. The Quantum Oracle cannot distinguish among the divergent timelines; its information is collected from all possible iterations of your life in which your question makes sense, and thus has little bearing on your own particular circumstances. However, if you should ask it the one question whose answer would illuminate the very essence of who you are across the infinite timelines in which iterations of you exist, you would for a quintessential moment quantumly inhabit the minds of your endless number of alter egos, thus acquiring such a profound self-knowledge that all self-doubt, self-hatred, self-destructiveness, and vain egotism within yourself would be forever extinguished.